her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize