I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
