my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
