dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
