Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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