I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize