Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
