Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
