I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
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