I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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