perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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