great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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