That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
