She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
