i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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