I molested 6 butterflies tonight
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
