just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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