Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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