do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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