maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
