ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize