I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
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