I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
