I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
