haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize