I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize