when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
