I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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