Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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