I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
