cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Bring me that man meat
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
