Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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