Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
