I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
this boner is exhausting
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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