I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
