Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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