ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Congratulations! We have a period
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
