Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
