My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
