I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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