what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Randomize
