i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
