If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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