Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
