i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize