My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
