rhymes with "ouble enetration"
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
