I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
