I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize