my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
