ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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