i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
