Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
