More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
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