I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
