Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
