she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
