Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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