I wish I only lived at night.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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