your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
