Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
