She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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