Is it normal to miss your booty call?
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
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