I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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