I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize