turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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