that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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