it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
How external is "for external use only"?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
