I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
