Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
